Blow jobs are a topic of conversation that was never far from the fictional brunch table with Sex and the City’s on-screen cohort. Charlotte York famously doesn’t like giving them. According to Miranda Hobbes, it’s a two way street—she only gives head, to get head. And while Samantha Jones is an advocate for servicing her male partners, she admits it’s not light work: “You men have no idea what we’re dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing.”
If acts of service is your love language, you might be pro-blow job. But going down on a partner isn’t for everyone. “Oral sex can be a real turn on for both parties,” relationship counsellor, sex therapist and sexologist Isiah McKimmie tells Cosmopolitan Australia. “But if you’re not into it, it’s totally ok”.
With the right partner, a blow job doesn’t necessarily feel like work. Giving pleasure can be just as pleasurable as receiving it, after all. If you’re looking to hone your technique, we’ve rounded up a few tips to help make their toes really curl. Scroll on for the Cosmopolitan Australia guide on how to give a blow job.
How To Give a Blow Job: Our Top Tips
1. Get in the mood
A blow job might be used as part of foreplay with your partner—or it could be the main event.
Set the vibes by popping on some music (having a rhythm or a beat to work with can be helpful with focusing on the task at hand) and getting into a comfortable position (you don’t have to be on your knees to give a blow job).
The more into it you are, the more easily *excited* your partner will get.
2. Don't do it if you don't want to
Like all forms of sex, oral sex should be performed with consent from both parties. You should never feel obligated to give someone a blow job—and if they’re asking for it or pressuring you into it, they really don’t deserve one. Make sure you respect both your own boundaries, as well as your partner’s.
If the issue is more related to nervousness, especially if you have a new intimate partner or if you’ve never given a blow job before, take things slowly. It could be something you really come to enjoy.
3. Build up to it
Ease into full-throttle fellatio by licking or kissing the penis from the shaft to the tip. Remember, a penis is a sensitive body part and you should take care to be gentle with your movements.
“With oral sex on a penis you want lots of moisture and lubrication,” McKimmie says. “Be mindful of not hurting your partner, particularly around the tip and foreskin, which can be more sensitive”.
Sucking with firm pressure is okay (and will likely feel really good for your partner) but too much teeth is a no-no. You can also use your hands to help out or offer additional stimulation.
4. Ask what they like
“One of the most important factors about having great sex of any type is that you can communicate openly and honestly with your partner,” McKimmie says.
Asking “how does this feel”, “is it too hard or too soft” or even “is there something else you’d like me to do instead” are really good ways to engage during oral sex”.
Their body language and vocal cues will also give you hints if they’re enjoying it.
5. Protection can be sexy
Just because you don’t need contraception when it comes to oral sex, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use protection.
There’s always a risk of sexually transmitted infections when there’s skin-to-skin contact or sharing of bodily fluids. You can ask your partner to wear a condom—this is where flavoured condoms come into their own— and even work it into the act by unrolling it without your hands.
6. You don't have to deep throat
You can give a good blow job without taking their penis all the way into your throat. Your mouth is the main tool and there’s plenty you can do to offer pleasure with your lips and tongue. Depending on the size of your partner’s penis, you might feel confident to take them a little deeper.
You also should never feel pressured to swallow when they cum. Ask your partner to give you a heads up that the show is almost over so that you can be prepared.
