When did you last have sex? The answer to this question might be simple: this morning, last night, five minutes ago. Or it might be a little bit more complex. Who you’re having sex with is one factor (yourself, a casual partner or a long-term lover) in the equation. Your—and your partner’s—libido is another.
And while it might seem like people are having sex all the time, reality can be a different story. It’s thought that the average Australian couple is having sex anywhere between once a week and twice a month. But this isn’t a game of comparisons. There’s no such thing as the “right” amount of sex. Each person is different and drive and desire exist on a spectrum of needs.
“Every person and every couple is going to have a frequency of sex that feels good for them and it’s going to depend on a whole lot of other factors, including what’s going on in their life at the time,” relationship counsellor, sex therapist and sexologist Isiah McKimmie tells Cosmopolitan Australia. “For example, whether their desire shuts down when they’re stressed or whether they use sex as a form of stress relief”.
Age is one factor in how often people have sex. And whether you’re single, newly dating or in a long-term relationship can also play into how often you’re likely to be getting busy.
“We’ve seen a shift in younger Australians having less sex than previous generations,” McKimmie shares. “There’s so much going on in the world and stress is often a barrier or block to people’s desire”. And then there’s the #boysober movement, where people are voluntarily celibate, swearing off all forms or sex and dating in an effort to recalibrate their needs, wants and desires.
How Often Do People Have Sex?
It can be hard to get an accurate read on exactly how often people are having sex. The Kinsey Institute for research in Sex, Reproduction and Gender, has previously found that 18-29 year olds have the most sex, with people in this age group most likely to have sex 112 times a year (about twice a week on average). The next age group (30-39 year olds) comes in at around 86 times a year, which works out as 1.6 times a week.
The Benefits of Having Regular Sex
There are a number of known health benefits to having regular sex, including reduced pain, a bolstered immune system and a healthy heart.
According to McKimmie, regular sex can also help you connect more in your relationship and even increase self-esteem. “When you feel safe in your relationship and able to explore and experiment, that can help with feeling really good about yourself, your partner and your sex life,” she says.
What To Do If You Want To Have More Sex With Your Partner
Communication is everything. “Couples that can communicate well and show empathy to each other are more likely to maintain lasting intimacy and desire,” McKimmie says. “If you’re not having as much sex as you used to or as you would like to, it’s important to look at what’s going on in your relationship and your life that might be getting in the way”.
Things that can block desire and sex drive include stress, being tired, certain medications or the possibility of children, flatmates or your parents hearing you. Talking to your partner about overcoming these blocks is the first step in having more sex.
If you want to take action and spice things up, sex toys, lingerie or a well-planned date night can help to reignite the fire.
